Lola's Comfy Kitchen
Welcome to Lola's Kitchen! (It's really my grandkids' place but they named it for me! I stop in to help out when I can get away from my work.) Come in! Relax and sit down! Are you hungry? Archie! Bring them a drink!
Most of the time, Lola's Comfy Kitchen stands on stilts on the banks of the Gold Arrow River in sight of Gold Arrow Station. The Kitchen famously serves the best Talino food in the Zone: a cuisine of rich stews, barbecued meats, seafood, and coconut sweets. After-dinner drinks, or just a good time, can be found on the Gator's View Porch, a peaceful refuge during the day and lively and vibrant at night.
From time to time, Lola Carly summons a gigantic alligator to carry the Kitchen up and down the river for festivals and special occasions. Her family of gnomes (and various adoptees) makes additional profits at celebrations along the water throughout the year. Some say that the alligator, named Kuya Buwaya, is the great spirit of the river itself. When questioned on the matter, Lola Carly just winks and smiles.
Lola's Comfy Kitchen River Cruise With Kuya Buwaya!
Join us as we cruise up and down the Gold Arrow River on the back of our friendly kaiju alligator! Our seasonal cruises sell out early, so make sure you buy your tickets as soon as possible! Events include the Benediction of the Heavenly Council, the autumn leaves of Hartshome Forest, the Shattered Moon Memorial Service, and the Midsummer Flight of the Incarnation Moths.
Bleacher seat packages start at 10 Bilog each!
The Building
Lola's Kitchen is a small complex of nipa hut-style buildings. They are constructed from wood and bamboo with thatched nipa (mangrove palm) roofs. The main building contains a large dining area with vaulted ceilings, private dining rooms, the kitchen, and a maintenance room. The thatch-covered Gator's View Porch, is as large as the main building and has the best views of the river. Individual huts for overnight guests line up behind the main building along wooden walkways.
You can smell the food before you see the tavern: meat on the grill, eggrolls frying, and poultry simmering in soy sauce, garlic, vinegar, and black pepper. The thatched grass roof comes into view along with the charming buildings on stilts and the fat gator by the river.
As you get closer, you can hear music and singing from the porch bar. As you climb the bamboo stairs, you are greeted by Lola Carly herself. "Mabuhay! It means both hello and goodbye!"
The Dining Room
The main dining room has vaulted ceilings with floors covered in mats woven from grass. Capiz shell chandeliers float near the ceiling, comfortably lighting 20 tables built from bamboo and hardwoods. The head server, Xalbadora, a great-niece of Carly, leads a crew of six to nine and can take care of up to 150 diners.
The Kitchen's Kitchen
The busy kitchen boasts completely modern magitech equipment run with clockwork precision by Chef Chiffonade, a female kenku with the ability to perfectly copy any meal she has eaten. The large clean space is filled with fresh ingredients from around the world and a multitude of dimensions due to Lola Carly's great influence and deep connections.
Gator's View Porch
The porch lounges on the riverside of the restaurant, offering beautiful views of the river, incoming boats, and the skyship docks. The barkeep Archie, a water genasi, serves frosty tropical drinks while flamboyantly flirting with everyone in sight. At night, the Porch explodes with activity as visitors come to enjoy world-famous bards or to compete in the weekly Karaoke Challenge.
The Nipa Huts
Ten thatched roof nipa huts on stilts trail behind the Kitchen's main building. They are connected by a series of wooden walkways and boardwalks. The rooms come in a variety of sizes and prices suitable for 2 to 6 people. The best suites are the Rajah (king), the Rani (queen), and the Datu (chieftain) suites.
Lola's Comfy Kitchen Menu
Gator's View Drinks Menu
I prefer to sit quietly watching the crowd. I am fascinated by the different personas that fleshy sophonts present based upon their location. Like any good tavern, the Kitchen stocks a variety of soulforged-friendly victuals. Archie keeps a barrel of sparkling kerosene under the bar just for me!
I never miss Adobo Night or Karaoke Night at the Kitchen! I know I can't sing, but I make up for it with enthusiasm and volume!
Barkeep & Staff
Lola Carly chose the Kitchen's staff from her extended family and trusted friends. Everyone working there takes a magically binding oath to uphold the Laws of Hospitality. As a result, the staff has an ironclad reputation for discretion and competence. Like their grandmother, most of them are friendly brown-skinned gnomes who bustle about efficiently tending to the needs of their guests.
The Kitchen keeps a full crew of servers and kitchen staff, along with a small complement dedicated to the nipa hut hotel rooms.
Archie Araneta - Barkeep
The flamboyant mix-o-mancer Archie Araneta (they/them), an androgynous blue-skinned water genasi, serves drinks featuring magical pyrotechnics and their naturally generated ice sculptures. An incorrigible flirt, Archie has a pick-up line for everyone who comes to the bar but enough professionalism to only use them when they're welcome.
Oh honey, that bit of rough trade doesn't even know who he is yet! You bet I'll have a word for 'im when he's fully cooked!
Archie sports blue skin, sea-foam green hair, and sparkling silver makeup. They famously change their clothes on each of their breaks. They often turn up for their shift in a slim form-fitting tuxedo, switching to a gown with butterfly sleeves after dinnertime, and then finally ending the night in just an open vest and tiny little shorts.
Lola Carly - Hostess
Most nights, when her day shift at the Zone Ident-a-hedron Office ends, Lola Carly makes her way to the Kitchen that bears her name. Although she has no official duties or job title there, she can be found at the host station seating guests, taking orders, bussing tables, adding ingredients in the kitchens, or even just cleaning up in the nipa huts. It doesn't occur to any of the staff or guests to ever get in her way.
Lola Carly never misses Karaoke Night. She and Mr. Shadow love to sing duets together. Their legendary rendition of "The Sun & Moon's Romance" closes the night to thunderous applause.
Mr. Pamplona - Owner/Manager
The smartly dressed Mr. Pamplona oversees all of the Kitchen's operations and has his name on the deed. This middle-aged gnome runs a tight ship and commands the respect of all the employees and guests. He insists on being called Mr. Pamplona during working hours.
He's very good at his job and has an unnatural ability to detect an unhappy customer or troublemaker from across the establishment. He prides himself on his high standards and perfectly groomed goatee. His grandmother, Lola Carly, still uses his childhood nickname, "Chidi", despite his protestations.
Chef Chiffonade - Cook
Lola adopted the kenku Chiffonade off the streets of Garrison City decades ago. Carly was amazed to discover that her new ward could duplicate any of the Garrison's delicious street foods. Chiffy hungrily absorbed every new recipe that Carly showed her, but her kenku nature prevented her from creating new dishes herself.
Lola Carly saw an opportunity and sent Chiffy and her grandson Chidi on a grand tour around the Zone and Sovranty. When the pair of them returned, she bought the Kitchen for them to run.
Of the Ahool the Guano - Maintenance
The grease-stained goblin, Of the Ahool the Guano (or Guano to his friends), keeps the magitech kitchen and the bamboo stilts all in good repair. He's always puttering around, crawling under the floorboards, or using his artificery skills to supercharge the hex crystal appliances.
Staff of Lola's Comfy Kitchen
The friendly staff of Lola's Kitchen! Left to right: Chompers the Bouncer, Chef Chiffonade, Lola Carly, Mr. Pamplona the Owner, Head Server Xalbadora, Guano the Maintenance Gobling, Archie the Barkeep
Kuya Buwaya - Alligator
The alligator known as Kuya Buwaya can be found sunning himself between the porch and the river most days. He manifests as an old gator, larger than the other gators but differing only in his extreme laziness and his immense fatness. Townsfolk and fishermen leave him offerings for good fortune with fishing or if they're having marriage issues.
In the evenings, when no one is looking, Kuya Buwaya disappears without a trace. Visitors to the kitchen are told to leave the geckos and lizards crawling in the thatched roof alone. Everyone believes that Kuya Buwaya is one of them and always watching over the Kitchen.
A few times a year, Lola Carly sings to Kuya Buwaya from the porch. The big fat gator lumbers underneath the building and transforms, becoming a gargantuan ghostly version of himself. Kuya Buwaya rises beneath with the main building over his shoulders with the porch on top of his head. The nipa huts and their attendant boardwalks run down the scutes on the giant gator's back. Then Kuya smoothly glides down the river, never disturbing the silverware or the glasses at the bar. He deposits the Kitchen at its new location and turns back into a fat gator, sunning himself on the river's edge.
Kitchen Tales
I come to the Kitchen to unwind after a hard day of hunting down lawbreakers. The good and the bad all come to the Kitchen and some of my best leads come when people have had a few too many drinks.
Tourists come from far and wide to visit Lola's Comfy Kitchen. They come to eat the delicious food, to see the fat gator, or to gain an audience with the famous Lola Carly. Tickets for the Gator Cruises, when Kuya Buwaya swims up and down the Gold Arrow River, sell out years in advance.
The Guests
The Nipa Huts have hosted many famous and powerful people over the years. Everyone from famous singers to powerful wizards come and stay under Lola's protection and under the Laws of Hospitality. The building, the grounds, and Kuya Buwaya himself are warded against conflict. Those who violate the Laws find themselves magically ejected from the Kitchen.
Mr. Shadow
The mysterious Mr. Shadow has paid full price to live in the Datu Hut for several years now. He always wears a hood and is covered in voluminous robes that hide his true form. The staff evades questions about him, saying simply that he is Lola Carly's distinguished guest. Rumors say that he is an exiled prince or a duke of Hell who disagrees with the Accords. Whatever the truth, he stays out of sight and away from everyone else, except on Karaoke Night.
"Oh, Mr. Shadow! He's everyone's favorite singer! He can really hit those low notes!"
The Law of Hospitality
Lola's Kitchen strictly observes the rules between hosts and guests, where all the staff are considered hosts, and all visitors who cross the threshold are considered guests.
The law itself states that hosts and guests shall be gracious and accommodating to each other until they prove by word or action that they are undeserving of such hospitality. This includes violence of word or action and shall be judged by any of the senior staff including Lola Carly, Mr. Pamplona, Archie, Chiffonade, Guano, or Xalbadora.
Those found guilty are banned from Lola's Kitchen for a year and a day and suddenly find themselves ejected from the premises to land in front of an unhappy Kuya Buwaya!
A Night in the Kitchen
A typical night in the Kitchen! From left to right:
Top row: Detective Lim keeps watch as Lady Aleonera Molndal gives an enchanting performance. Lance Uppercut is ready to party as Two, The Surveyor of Worlds observes the crowd.
Middle row: Archie the Mix-o-mancer and Chompers the Bouncer are on the job as Lola Carly, and Mr. Shadow sing a duet.
Front row: A Tortoise Conclave Soldier and a Zone Authority Police gnome carouse together while an Entulesse Warrior and an Anomalous Forest Ranger relax during their gap year. Xalbadora the Server approaches as Instructor of Recruits and Sgt. Kill Flayer look for a place to sit.
Ezra Aldrich
Oh my goodness this was a delightful article. It's a great start for a first draft. I love everything from the delectable menu to the gator moving the tavern on occasion. It was lighthearted and easy to read. I feel there's a lot of heart put into this and felt like I was at home. The staff all sound fun and unique; I think Archie is my favorite lol.
Chris L
Thank you! I'm going to go back through and put in quotes from most of the staff and flesh some things out. Stay tuned!
The Seven Celestial Gluttons have been consuming my attention lately! Meet the star-eating crab Tambanokano, the Can Opener's master from my adventure, Massacre on the Moonleaf Express. I'd love to hear your thoughts!