How far should one be pushed to murder?
I'm afraid of what adventuring has done to me. I can hardly recall a time early in our adventure when we were attacked by bandits, and I had killed them. I think I did. It's hard to remember. I feel far too little about that moment. I had fought and killed things before and after, sure, but they were monsters. They were unable to feel and know better. Or maybe they had, and I simply didn't take the time to tell? Those stitched-together tlincalli monsters, were they people? They knew how to wield weapons and ambush. I know I killed them. My friends and allies did too. We've all killed, unless I'm mistaken. It's difficult to keep track of who's killed who.
In that bandit ambush, was there another way it could've ended? Sure, I could've surrendered, we could've lost, but was there a way we could've won and kept their lives? I'm sure at least one escaped. Maybe I'm making up memories? It's been so long. Has it been so long?
Shreekback wants to kill Otzic, or bring him to justice. I'm sure I could reason with Shreekback to avoid unnecessary death, but what could I say? I feel that only in the heat of the moment could I decide.
How many beasts have I killed? Have I killed any? Is a beast worth less than a person? Are people just really smart beasts?
I should get back to my prayers and magical practice. This train of thought could go on for eternity, and I only have one more day in this cell. I feel that I'm close to discovering something more about my magic.
15th of Fessuran, 942 PED
