Dear Unorthodox,
I have spent years listening to you gripe about how to greet people during the "holiday season", and it seems nothing at all will please. There has, obviously, been debate about gentiles wishing Jews a "Merry Christmas," and whether or not it's appropriate. Mark told us that when someone tells him "Merry Christmas," he says "thank you," implying that even if Christians wish Jews a favorable festival, it's not really appropriate for Jews to respond in kind. Of course, any attempt by Christians to be more inclusive is shot down. Stephanie complained about gentile friends wishing her a "Happy Chanukah," even though "Merry Christmas," is obviously inappropriate. Therefore, I take it that it's really better if Christians just abstain from offering sentiments of a jolly festivity to anyone who isn't also Christian. Because from the way Liel tells it, the non-religious "Happy Holidays" is a sin so great one might as well be breaking all 613 mitzvot at once. From all of this, I have extrapolated the following rules regarding the manner in which one should proclaim an auspicious holy day:
Rule 1: Thou shalt not say to another, "have a delightful feast-day" if the other does not honor this feast-day.
Rule 2: Thou shalt not say to another, "have a cheery observance" if thou are not also observing.
This may be all fine and dandy when you live in New York City, which has a significantly higher percentage of Jews than the world at large, but I live in Small Town, Arkansas, so if I am only allowed to offer greetings for an opportune occasion to other Jews (and likewise only receive such from other Jews), it's sure to be a gloomy time indeed. Therefore, if the cashier at the grocery store tells me "Merry Christmas," I'm going to tell them... "Merry Christmas." Because you know what? Even if I don't celebrate Christmas, chances are (if they're saying this), that they do. And I genuinely want them to have a gleeful celebration. When I talk to people who I have a closer relationship with, I respond, "Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah," and sometimes I throw in "Merry Midwinter" or "Happy Yule," just to round things out. When a co-worker tells me "Happy Chanukah" on the last day of school, I'm not going to moan that they don't have the right to wish me a jovial Jewish holiday. I'm going to declare I want them to also have a cheerful holiday of choice. If you really don't want to say "Merry Christmas," might I offer a page from Islam and recommend "and also to you." (Personally, I think it's more hospitable to return the hope for a mirthful period.) Across cultures, the solstice season is a time in which we try to offer others warmth and light, and making people bend over backwards to wish you jubilation at this juncture just doesn't seem within that spirit.
May you have a felicitous and well-lit winter,
Molly Sroges
