Heartache by Moony1 | World Anvil Manuscripts | World Anvil

Chapter 55

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The first thing Adam regarded after being teleported outside of the ship was the blaring, distant screams of terrified townsfolk as he saw smoke rising into the sky from the distance. Even more alarming were the flames of its ruined buildings. He recalls seeing fire ravage the land while people died all around him.

His eyes widen, unable to shake the agonizing flashbacks playing in his very eyes. Their very sight brought him gloominess, as he had seen such scenes many times in his life and felt the fear of witnessing death once again as well as feeling powerless to prevent it from happening to anyone else. Yet, what is most worrying to him is how there is nothing he can do but flee for his life like a coward.

It hurts to see these faraway cries of wanting to live only to be silenced by death's grasp. This moment scares him, the very fire reminding him of those painful times, a part of him feeling so afraid and so small while wishing he was in his younger years when he was still clueless about the world around him. A place where he did not have to fear being abandoned, a place where he was truly happy with the ones he cared about.

That place is gone, forever burned down, and will continue to do so until the day he dies, but Adam has no choice but to live in this reality where death lurks and is waiting to strike when they please. In that moment, he realized something: that this was never his world; it never truly was a home for him, but that doesn't mean that he shouldn't make the best of it.

He never asked to have a life like this—to be thrown into such a terrible place without a single moment of rest to give him peace. He had wanted to be a normal person who has family and friends he can call his own and lives a quiet, solitary lifestyle. But he doesn't think it's possible when there are other things he has to worry about other than how he wants to live.

Watery tears fall from his sober eyes; everything is too much for him. He wonders if he could actually save his daughter, prevent his friends from dying again, or find happiness again. Questioning himself if all of this is meaningless when anyone like himself can die from these very circumstances and yet still keep going despite how painful it is.

All of this seems impossible for him; he is so tired of everything that he wants to die himself, as it would be much easier to do so. If only he had done so earlier, perhaps things wouldn't have gotten to this point, but then again, what's done is done and cannot be changed at all, as the saying goes. And from this, he knelt down on the ground with his knees touching the snow.

Staring directly at the out-of-reach sounds transmitting from the burning town, he grows defeatist by the minute as he tries to get a grip on himself and his own sanity as well. There was no time to waste on moping about or even grieving for what he lost; all he needed to do was move forward and do what he could.

Why must everything be this difficult and stressful? Just a little more, just a little bit more, and it would all be over for good, right?

But he knows the struggles will last a lifetime for him, never being able to leave his prison, forced to stay in this wretched place and continue suffering from the icy winds that blew around him.

Vesh could only stare at his human companion from behind, observing the young man descend into deep sadness, questioning himself if it would be wise to be silent and allow this to continue, or perhaps intervene and help Adam get back on his feet in getting his daughter back from this terrible situation.

And even still, the blue alien doesn't want to believe that humanity is still worth his time in trying to understand them as much as he does. However, having spent some time with these special cases of humans, he felt rather strange for them, almost as if he really did have pity for what Adam had told him.

Despite how much he wants to deny it, Vesh still had an odd feeling for the people who were onboard his ship, making him express a rather positive emotion in his otherwise cold heart, compelled to help these humans even if it means that he could possibly get hurt. After all, it wasn't like he didn't know the dangers that may await him when trying to do this, but nonetheless, he knew this was a risk he had to take.

Moving to his side and kneeling down to Adam's level, he said, "You need to get up." His anything but democratic speaker or leader said, "Didn't you say that you want to save her?" He questioned the young man before him, "This isn't you; we both know this isn't you," pointing out the obvious truth in the human's mind while seeing his eyes gazing into his own.

"Isn't me?" Sorrowfully looking at him with eyes that seem to be pleading for an answer that may bring him peace or maybe even understanding of why he feels so hopeless, he says, "You think I haven't tried?" His voice then grew louder and angrier: "You think I haven't tried to get my shit together!?" Standing up, he began to pace back and forth, scratching his hair aggressively from the amount of tension that was building up in his body.

"I tried fucking everything!" Adam began to explain, "I tried to believe positive things, but then it always ended up failing." Stopping for a moment, he let out a long sigh before continuing, "Can't you understand how difficult it is?" Turning around to directly stare at the kneeling pilot, she said, "To constantly worry about having your own life and loved ones die at any moment without knowing what to do," walking closer to him until they were face-to-face with each other.

"What...?" Vesh stood up, taking a step back before opening his mouth. "It's not always about you," he said, raising his hand and pointing it at Adam. "Do you really think you're the only one that had someone to lose?" Looking at him with a blank expression, "most had someone they cared about," slight pause as he looked down to the ground, closing his eyes for a moment, "that doesn't mean that it hurts any less," letting out a heavy sigh, "don't you get it?"

Silence filled the atmosphere when both looked at each other in an awkward stare until Adam was the first to break it, saying, "Of course I do," shaking his head, "I get it but—" His sentence was abruptly ended once the blue alien spoke again: "You can't keep going on like this," raising his voice louder than before, "if you want to save her," looking up to meet the human's eyes, "you need to keep walking forward with your legs and not dragging yourself in the mud." Seeing him flinch a bit made the tension between them lessen to some degree.

Wiping away the tears on his cheeks, he said, "Uh, sorry about that." Small laughter could be heard before he cleared his throat, "I sometimes lose my cool, you know?" Adam embarrassingly scratches the back of his head from having to place himself into creating this unpleasant situation. "But you're right with one thing, Vesh," sigh once again escapes his lips, "about the moving forward part? Yeah, I'll make sure not to be overwhelmed by my feelings again." His body turned around and started walking in the direction of Hillfar.

The blue alien could only stare with slight confusion but was pleased to know the human managed to get himself together to some degree. "Are you really going to be intent on saving her?" He asked with slight curiosity, "What is she to you other than being your child?" Vesh wanted to make sure before moving forward. It didn't matter to him if Adam answered truthfully or not; he just wanted to hear the reason why he wanted to save his daughter so badly.

Hearing those words from his alien companion, Adam stopped his tracks and contemplated a moment before speaking, "Besides her being my only family? When it comes to the rest, you won't understand how much she truly means the world for me," the human spun in motion, facing towards his comrade, "wouldn't you do the same thing to those you care about?"

The conflicted question caught him off guard. In fact, it took a while for Vesh to give a proper response as he stared down at his feet, not sure if he should say anything about it. Of course, he cared about his status and pride, but actually caring about someone? It feels unnatural for him to do so when his own race strictly values reason and logic above all else.

Although he's known to have had one person that he cared about as well during his adventure across the uncaring cosmos despite the cold-hearted reality, never in a million years would he say that he actually cared about her. But seeing the hopeful look in Adam's eyes, Vesh finally decided to give a straight answer, "I had...one," careful in his wording to not accidentally let anything slip.

Sympathy flashed before Adam's face, studying his expressions and stance before confirming a final conclusion: "You loved someone, didn't you?" His eyes were wide as saucers from being so shocked. "And I suppose she died?" Even though it's not right to ask that sort of question without giving an appropriate reason first, he can't help being blunt.

For a moment, anger spawned on the pilot's face before he quickly calmed himself down, inhaling and exhaling in frustration. "I guess you could say that," Vesh muttered in response, still trying to get over his old life as best as he can, "and you're correct in that I had someone who I really loved," looking at the side to prevent their gaze from meeting, "but now I only have myself."

A sudden warmth spread on the young man's heart at those words, seeing that there is more than meets the eye to his alien companion. "What was her name if you don't mind me asking?" He asked with curious interest, his head tilted in slight anticipation of the answer that would soon come to him, wishing to learn more about this person's life.

"No, NO!" The tone in his voice was a mixture of denial and horror as he shook his head and said, "I don't want to remember; let's just focus on getting your daughter back." He began to walk past him, leaving Adam in confusion as to why he denied so strongly revealing such personal information of his own volition.

Turning around, the human followed suit from behind, walking with new-found interest and hope of opening up to other people. "Vesh," he spoke out, moving to his side, "it's alright if you don't want to talk about it, but you don't have to keep all these feelings bottled up inside of you." His companion scoffed in response, while Adam continued, "sometimes it's better to share these feelings with those you trust than keeping them inside," saying in an honest and sincere tone.

Looking back at Adam with surprise and bewilderment, Vesh opened his mouth to speak before closing it and reopening it again to form words in the air, "I was wrong about you." The sudden change of topic caused the young man to look at him with a questioning stare.

"When I first met you," he elaborated further while scratching his chin, "I thought you were some selfish and boring human that would cause nothing but trouble for me." His lips then curved into a smile of nostalgia and fondness, "but I learn now to be more wise than making assumptions because of their race or cultural background."

Raising his brows, "And what would that be?" He asked with amusement in his voice, trying to contain his laughter and hold back the grin forming on his face, not wanting to show off his true emotions, even though deep down he felt some friendship building between them. "I didn't think that my actions were all that interesting," he admitted, giving off a sheepish laugh in embarrassment.

Giving a hearty chuckle at his answer, the alien's eyes sparkled with excitement, smiling in return. "That's not what I meant," he replied before explaining himself, "what I am implying is humans aren't all bad as they appeared to be." Carrying honesty and passion in his response, "some are kind and good-hearted, while others are evil and cruel," listing down while counting on his fingers. In the end, he concluded while turning his head to look at him in the eyes, "I learned how judgement and anger clouded my thoughts of humanity altogether."

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