Heartache by Moony1 | World Anvil Manuscripts | World Anvil

Chapter 17

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Eating their delicious breakfast comprised of vegetables and fruits, along with eggs and bacon on their table. Adam was glad that his daughter wasn't hurt or lost, because if something like that had happened to her, he wouldn't know how he can handle himself from losing it completely from experiencing it.

Seeing her eat with utensils, he smiled from how she learn in using them to properly eat with food on their plates, but not without spilling on her red dress and her yellow trench coat wrapped around her like cloak, making a mess all over the place. As he look at her in amusement, he then turn his attention to the window, where the beautiful morning is.

Its a good thing there is no blizzard, otherwise they would be stuck in their home. Unfortunately, it still sometimes snows in this area, but it doesn't bother him at all as long he is having quality time with his daughter. Glancing at the girl again, Adam then turned his attention back to the window, noticing the blue sky and sun shining through the window.

He smiled before having a faint memory, the time where he had spend time with Doctor Sol; his adoptive father with sense of generosity and selflessness that transcend societal boundaries, extending his compassion to human patients that may despise him for being a hideous mutant, caring them despite their distrust or even rejection, much like how he does with Lilim.

Having seen the most tragic of things in life, Sol was the best father he had ever had; even though the man was hated by most humans because of his mutant nature, his still kind doctor that sees all living creatures, whether they be human or mutant, as equals. The memory of him and his father's always made him tear up in nostalgia, remembering the good old times where he was still a child and they had spent time together to play and talk about life and other things.

Adam missed that old man, wishing he was still alive to see how much their grand daughter had grown into such a beautiful girl, becoming woman of her own right. It was all thanks to him that he had been able to raise his daughter into such fine young lady and keep his promise to his wife that he will protect their daughter no matter what.

Not until Lilith came back.

His teeth grind from the remembrance of this vile woman, staring down at the table with his trembling fists placed on top of it, holding them together, trying to calm himself from doing something rash in his rage and sadness that still haunts him in nightmares. Just thinking about her makes him feel all sorts of negative emotions, how much she had ruined his life and to the point of almost losing himself.

As much he wants to forget the pain and suffering she put him through, the memories will never fade away no matter how much he tries. She was right about one thing—Adam will always keep thinking about her, even if he wishes to forget about her existence, he just can't. It was just another curse she had done to him and its been haunting him for a long time now.

Whenever he feels sadness and pain, the memories of Lilith would come back to his mind, inflicting him with so much misery that Adam wants to have mental breakdown from those memories. Whenever he is depressed, the only thing that can bring him back to his sanity was his loved ones, the only things that can comfort him in any situation. They were his light in this dark world, protecting him from becoming tainted and corrupted by her.

At the same time, Adam is conflicted whether to forgive her as despite how much he should hate her for ruining his entire life, she is still his mother albeit twisted and deranged. Deep down, he wanted her to have atleast some form of empathy to him, however he knows that she will only hurt him again and again without regret if he had done something stupid like trusting her. That is what his conscious mind says to him but his heart tells him otherwise.

All he wants is his abusive father or adopted mother to simply love him as their child. How much he longs for such thing, not only in his childhood but even now as he had matured. That is all he wants for them, Adam does not want to kill them even though he really wants to for everything they did to him, he is not like his parents or Lilith, and will not do such thing without reason. All he wants is some love from his parents, the only things that can likely cure him from his pain and misery.

Isn't it such a simple request? Why can't these two just love him like a son and yet, these lunatics still keep bringing so much suffering onto him for no apparent reason other than to have fun or out of their own enjoyment in hurting him.

They are nothing but monsters in human form, having done horrible things to him, becoming tainted by their own cruelty.

It hurts to think of such thing, being treated horribly because of their ego. The pain in thinking that the two people who were supposed to love and care for him as their own child, were willing to take away his innocence from him in the very beginning. In the end, all they do is play with him like some toy or object, treating him like he was nothing but dirt beneath their feet.

Tears had fallen from his eyes, the parents that were supposed to love him as their own child, only see him as mere human that they are bound to form of entertainment. Adam would've killed them for what they did to him and made him suffer, however he wanted to find a solution that doesn't involve killing them.

While his abusive father is already dead, the thought of killing a woman he calls his mother is difficult, because no matter how much he hates her, no mater how much he is afraid and depressed from her actions, he still want to know her to see if she genuinely still loves him as her child. He can't bring himself to kill her even though it will be the best thing to do in order to get rid of her, for once and for all.

Perhaps he is just too kind for his own good, or too soft to kill a woman that he knows has been abusive to him throughout his life. Maybe his suffering from Stockholm syndrome with her, due to the unhealthily dependent relationship during his childhood. All of this is his fault, for not being strong enough to resist her manipulative ways and see right through her selfish motives.

"Why...why does it hurt so much?" His low voice mumbled as he kept on crying, tears falling from his eyes, "I know they are monsters, but they are still my parents," he gritted his teeth, shaking from the sheer thought of killing them, "why do I desperately want them to accept me?" A sudden answer came to him, causing him to stare at his clenched that are trembling from the memory.

It was just too obvious to even think about, her manipulative words have been haunting him since he was a child and now as an adult, they are still having an effect on him. She has been playing with his mind, clouding his judgement and twisting his perceptions from the truth all along, making him to never forget her existence.

And it worked, that woman made sure to that. She had spent so much time manipulating him and now he is starting to become like her in mind and body. The same woman who had cursed his entire life and left a trauma in him for years to come, the same person that had cursed his own daughter to be reduced into infantile state.

His exhausted, tired and depressed from all of this. Its to much for someone like him. Not only he is going through massive grief and agony from the traumatic memories, but also because he is losing his self-control and judgment, even his will to live itself. It is to the point that suicide had been crossing his mind, thinking of a way to end his life in order to end all of this suffering he has been going through.

Then Lilim's hand placed over his, pulling him out from his sadness and pain as he look at her with teary eyes, "O-oh, ah..." placing a forced smile, Adam tried to laughed it off, "just thinking about stuff," taking a deep breath to calm himself down, he continued, "what's wrong?" His daughter shook her head before her expression turned with concern.

"Goooo....?" Tilting her head in mix of concern and confusion, resulting her father to sigh tiredly from wanting an explanation for his sad state, something he wished not to talk about but its better to get it out from him than letting this eat him up, especially with her around. Taking a deep breath to calm himself down and figure out what to say to her, Adam decided to just go with it. Hesitantly at first, but then after seeing his daughter's genuine concern for him, he decided to tell her the truth.

"Its just that..." Staring at his hands and thinking about how to start this conversation, he took a deep breath and continued, "for a long time now, I had been suffering," he closed his eyes to prevent himself from crying again, "and it still hurts," opening his eyes, he look at his daughter with helpless eyes.

"You probably don't know what I am even saying," sad smile graced his lips, "but even with the pain crawling on my back, I still have you," his lips started to tremble as tears started to flow out from his eyes again, "and your mother," he could hear her murmuring something unintelligible with her worried expression on her face, but he still continued, "I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her and you," taking a deep breath to calm himself down, he then continue his words with more sadness.

"When I was child," he stared at his hands that are trembling from the painful memories of his past, "my father was alcoholic drunkard, beating and torturing me with simple mistake, bringing all his rage onto me because I was responsible for killing mom after dying from child birth, which I had no fault in," a dry laugh escaped from his lips, shaking his head, "in the end I killed my own mother," he cried again, biting his lip to prevent himself from bawling in front of her.

"After his death, I felt responsible for bringing the house down into flames," taking another deep breath to calm himself down again, he continued with more sadness, "and then I had to experience losing a person that I still loved to this day even though I hate him," wiping away the tears from his face with his sleeve, he continue, "when Lilith came to my life, your mother did me so many terrible things to me," Lilim was listening to his story in obscurity.

"Forget it," Adam shake his head with short laugh, "I think I am going to be okay without them," he placed his hand over his daughter's as he look at her with his signature smile that had been laced with sadness and deception, "after all, they aren't my real parents," he closed his eyes to calm himself down again, "that's what I am supposed to believe in right?"

Even though she doesn't understand anything he had said, Lilim can sense his growing sadness and pain from every word he says, causing her to embrace him from her seat, calming him down. Although her mind isn't at good shape, she is still smart enough to know what is going on with her father from the look of his body language. Giving him a loving smile as he stare at her in surprise, Adam then return the gesture before embracing her back.

"I'm glad I still have you," another row of tears started to flow from his eyes, weeping in sadness, "if you have died in that fire, I don't know what I would do with myself," smiling again, he cried some more from seeing his daughter comforting his pain, "you are all I have," wiping the tears from his face with his sleeve again, "please don't leave me."

Adam doesn't want to lose anyone anymore, not after what he had gone through and seeing the only person he cares for comforting him in times of need. Its so touching that it was too much for him to handle, he doesn't want to lose her in this cold world of snow, something that would break his heart beyond repair and its a pain he doesn't want to experience again.

The woman who ruined his life, nearly destroyed him mentally and physically, is still causing him suffering after all this time, even after he managed to escape from her grasp. She is still hurting his mind and soul, torturing him to no end. As much as he tries to hate her, its hard for him to do so with how she had been treating him throughout his life. Its just too much to handle, that she is the only person in this world who can break his heart and mind.

However, what that woman doesn't know is his daughter still alive; the only hope and meaning of his life, for the only reason he is still here to begin with in this cold wasteland of frozen snow is because of her. She has become a small infantile child, having no memory of her old life or anything about her family except Adam.

Because of this, despite how much life throws at him; he will still keep his feet on the ground and move forward no matter what obstacle is presented before him, while also trying to take care of his daughter as best as he can, not wanting to lose her or the people he loves.

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