Content Warnings: blood, knives, visions of blood and corpses, abuse, PTSD

Year 277

The knife was fully drenched in blood now, and it had sprayed all over her arms too. I held the knife up to the light, the light glinting scarlet on the blood, and stared as the blood dripped off the lowered tip onto the floor. I let go and the knife dropped to the floor, the steel clanking with a metallic whine, and some of the blood on the blade splattered around the point of contact with the floor. The knife stopped moving soon enough, near Father's foot.

Looking up along his body, I took in what I had done. A pool of blood had started forming under Father, and it had already expanded from the center of his torso to his knees. The circle was still moving, ever so slowly, and would probably reach me soon. I had stabbed him quite a few times after all, especially after he had drawn out that toy of his. Wait, where is it now...

Father had dropped it as I stabbed him once on the arm, and I remembered successfully landing a hit on it with blasts of magic as it dropped in the air, but I had lost sight of it since, being taken up by a concern of a more stabbing nature. I found it quite quickly now, or what was left of it at least.

The glass on the pocket watch had broken and cracked, with pieces of it lying around, and one of the hands - golden in color and shaped like an extended arm, with an index finger pointing out - had broken off the center and gotten out of the watch, lying right next to the watch's main body. The other arm was still in place, but was no longer moving as far as I could tell. I quickly gathered up the pieces and put it on my pocket, thinking it might still work, and fled from the house. I had to get away from Father as far as possible right now.

"Next stop is at Planktown." and it repeated in a couple more languages.

I took the first train that had shown up, and was now watching the streets of Amber East pass us by as the train slid out of the station. Father's corpse had been left behind, and soon I could turn my back to what would become no more than a bad memory or dream. Or so I had hoped.

The lights flickered as I entered the carriage where my seat was supposed to be. The floor started trembling, and I am not sure if it was because I was standing on the connector platform in between carriages or because the world was all around me. In between flashes of light, I could see splatters of blood show up where there was none before, and I followed a trail of blood along the floor and saw a familiar face.

There was a puddle of blood under him, ever spreading, and his face was full of shock. Father had never expected me to fight back, much less win, and now I had done both and he was dead. I had won for the first time, and it had ended in the loss of Father's life. Yet I could not shake the feeling he would rise up and come after me and his precious watch.

I closed my eyes and bit my lip, hard enough for it to bleed, but was only rewarded with a momentary bliss of darkness before I saw the picture much more clearly in my mind. Sobs started escaping my mouth, and tears started flowing from my face and I could see nothing else but him right now.

What have I done? What do I do now? What could possibly be next? Could he come back to life and everything returns to how it was? I took the watch but I don't know how it works. Could things get worse? Could others find me through him? I'll be hunted wherever I go. Can I survive without him? But him being alive meant I was not really living... But do I know how to live without him?

Someone had grabbed my hand, and I had not really noticed while my thoughts ran a mile a minute. A voice had called out to me several times but it had sounded like dull thuds in the background noise of my brain. Suddenly I felt a soft punch on my left leg, and both of my right hands quickly went up to my face to cover it and try to clean up at the same time. I opened my eyes and noticed that the lights had stopped flickering, and the world had stopped trembling around me. There was no more blood anywhere, nor could I see Father's corpse anymore. I looked down to my left to see a child standing there, looking up at me, her hands poised to deliver another punch.

She had bright yellow, white and black stripes from head to toe, and many small arms along her sides, several of which she had been using to punch me for a while now. She looked large enough to probably be in her last instar, and would pupate soon. Probably looking for some more food before it starts.

"I.. uh.. I don't have anything on me right now, sorry" I apologized, trying to push her off. I cannot do this right now, I'm a mess- went unsaid.

"Thanks, but I already have a lot of leaves with me. Please, can you spread your wings? I have not seen a butterfly like you before. You can call me Muntahera" she asked, her simple eyes glowing up. Wait, are caterpillar stemmata supposed to do that?

"What? No, I'm a moth. A Clymene moth, specifically." I guess she had spent a lot more of her time eating, as expected, than learning about our differences.

"OOOH. You look beautiful and I want to draw you in full", she replied without missing a beat.

"Huh?"

"I'm making a canvas with everyone on the ship. Mother says I'll just sleep through my pupation, but in case I wake up in the middle of it, I don't want to be alone or bored. I will take a leaf inside with me, with one drawing of everyone on the ship on it. And you must be on it, I have never seen you or anyone like you before. Please let me draw you." She pleaded, her simple eyes somehow growing larger below her antenna, almost making it look like a pout.

"Ok" I said, as the tears finally stopped coming out and a ghost of a smile had started to rise in my face.

I don't really know why I agreed. Maybe I could not resist those eyes of hers anymore, maybe I just wanted something to take my mind off my thoughts, maybe I just wanted to stop thinking, maybe I wanted to be kind. I don't know.

The carriages of these trains have seats facing backwards at the front of the carriage, and seats facing forwards at the back of the carriage. These opposing seats meet at the center of every carriage, where there is a gap around as wide as one and a half seats, and the caterpillar had stationed herself there with all her supplies. The carriage itself was mostly empty, with some people dozing off at the back. I noticed a butterfly and moth pair a couple of seats back, very quiescent with blank compound eyes, suggesting they were resting.

The caterpillar had a cornucopia of leaves all over the gap between the seats, and she was even now sitting up looking at me while gulping down several at once. At the center of the leaves, she had cleared a smaller space where a large leaf was placed, and there were colorful and detailed depictions of what looked like her parents and several of the other passengers on the carriage drawn all over the leaf. I could not see where she had gotten the colors from: there were no coloring pencils or any other kind of coloring tool anywhere in the vicinity.

"Those look really pretty. How did you color them so vividly?" I wondered out loud.

She smiled and her eyes seemed to glow. "Thanks. I can produce silk like my father can, and my mother showed me magic to dye the silk how I want it. I just spit at the right spot on the leaf and then carefully spin and arrange each spot of dyed silk to draw what I want. See, I already drew my parents over here," she pointed at the butterfly and moth pair at the center of the leaf, and then started pointing at each of the other people at the drawing and then pointing at the corresponding person in the carriage. She had probably been doing this all day and night and she was not going to stop anytime soon.

"And this is where you will go" she pointed at an empty corner of the leaf, "so can you spread your wings now and pose for a bit. Just standing straight is fine too."

I froze for a bit. I still felt injured from the fight with Father earlier, though I had stopped bleeding. I had been wearing my wings like a cloak on top of my actual cloak, and concentrating whatever magic reserves I had left to heal, and opening the wings might slow that down. Still, I had stopped bleeding already, and looking at the girl's eyes any hesitation dropped out of my mind and I opened my wings wide, automatically crossing my arms and hugging myself at the same time.

"Beautiful" her eyes seemed like they were glowing brighter, or reflecting even more light, if that was even possible. She suddenly gulped down everything she had just been chewing, and then spat out a huge amount of pale silk onto the empty spot on the leaf she had designated for me. She then grabbed bits of it with her mouth and some of it with her hands and started spinning it all over the spot, though instead of a random blob of silk I could already see a rough outline of a silhouette of myself. Her hands would glow over certain parts of the silk, and the silk right underneath turned into the color of the light aura she was emitting from that hand. Soon, I could see the lavender of my face and hands, and the gold and black of my wings in all the right spots. And of course, the black of my cloak.

If she noticed anything about my injuries, she said nothing. Instead, halfway through, she piped up, "Ok, I think I got most of you down. Can you sit opposite me instead for the rest of it.", and I complied, wrapping my wings around myself again in the process, restarting the healing. Immediately all my muscles loosened as a wave of calm washed over me again from my wings, and it felt like a huge weight had lifted from my shoulders. The girl did not seem to notice, thoroughly absorbed in chewing another whole bunch of leaves while coloring some more of the silk to draw out my open wings on her canvas. I was glad for it, as I don't think I could have talked about what was going through my head right now, especially not to a child.

The girl had started by spinning out a line drawing of me with her silk, threading it through the leaf, and the piece was quite detailed, down to the patterns of black and gold on my wings being quite accurate. For such stemmata, she had good eyes to be able to capture all of that in the few minutes she had me posing with my wings open, and now she was busy spreading different sized globules of spit everywhere and then using her spells to color each globule like she was using a brush tool. She even seemed to be capable of controlling the intensity of her colors, with different shades of orange and lavender being applied all over my wings and exposed skin. She was not looking at me much anymore, except for a cursory glance or two every minute as if she was confirming exactly what shade to use.

For my part I was happy for the silence. I could alternate between looking at her and looking out the window, at the hills and grasslands flowing by. This train was headed for Planktown, where I realized I could find Sayyid. Father and I had dealt with the Lord of the Depths before, having helped Sayyid outmaneuver the Corals and force them to side with him. That was when Sayyid had given Father the Arms pocket watch, and if anyone could tell me more about what it could do or help repair it, it would be the Lord of the Depths. But I could not help wonder, as I took out the watch and held it in my hands, did he know how Father would use it? Did he give it to us just to make our work easier, or did he know what kind of person Father was and still give it to him anyway? Did he know the watch would be used on me? In my trance, I did not notice the girl had started talking, again, at least until she picked up another bunch of leaves and threw them at me instead of putting it in her mouth.

"Huh... what the?" I said while brushing the leaves from my hair and clothes with my upper arms, my eyes focusing away the watch while my lower right hand moved to hide away the watch again in my coat. But she had already noticed.

"You were gone again, lady. I kept calling out to you but you were not responding, so I threw whatever was on my hand. That bunch looked really delicious and made my mouth water, but I had to wake you up. You now have to get me some more leaves tomorrow." the girl said all this with all the air of a noble lord ordering their servants around.

"What?" I could only gape with my mouth wide open, jaw dropped. But she paid not mind as she continued-

"And what is that watch you were holding? It looked pretty and shiny, though I could see it was broken. Did you drop it or something? Can I see it? Can I draw it?" her eyes shone brightly again as she said without missing a beat.

I was not sure I wanted to show a child a magical artifact that could be used to freeze objects and people in time, and had been used to abuse me, but the hand holding the watch decided to move it out into the light instead. What? What am I doing? suddenly panicking, while another voice said It's broken, so it should be fine. The conflicting thoughts warred in my mind for a bit and my hand slowed down, but at the end I let it go instead, as I realized a deeper want within myself: I did not want to hide from her.

"Here" I held out the broken watch on my hand, and she picked it up and started examining it all over from every direction. I don't know what possessed me to start talking at that point. Maybe it was because she would have asked anyway. Maybe I wanted to have someone to talk to, after being alone and quiet for so long. Father was not someone I talked to, not since he used the watch on me. Maybe I was just tired of all the running and hiding.

"Be careful with it. It is magical in nature, and it can freeze you in time if you press the wrong thing. Of course, it is broken right now so it does not work. I am actually on my way to get it repaired. You can draw it if you want, just don't press anything on it."

"Whoa, I didn't know such magic even exists. Can I eat it?" and she opened her mouth wide.

"WHAT THE... Give me that." and I snatched it back with a tendril of my power, a clear lavender tendril snaking through the air and winding around the watch to grip it. It safely went back to my pocket.

"Aww, you're no fun. Now you have to get me even more leaves and some nuts and honey as well tomorrow to make up for that," she whined, acting scandalized, but then smiled, "I think I got most of it in my head, let me see", and she spat a bunch of silk on a spot next to my portrait on the canvas, and got back to work.

Within moments, she had threaded an outline of the pocket watch's front, including the arms, digits and the buttons on its side, and she was now already coloring them. It was like watching a sped up timelapse of a talented artist drawing something, except I could not tell if she was really that fast or whether I was so entranced with her movements and technique that the time passed me by without notice. She stopped soon, and kept staring at it, and that was when the butterfly in the seat behind up suddenly stood up and came around to us.

"Muntaheira, you are still up! Were you drawing all this time? And who might you be?" the butterfly turned and looked at me, frowning with her antenna even bending to point at me. I think I could see crackles of electricity at the tip of those antennae- the mother was ready to electrocute me right now if I was a danger to her daughter.

"I am Allia. I am going to Planktown and was on my way to my seat in this carriage when Munteheira came up to me to ask me to pose for her artwork. I have been at her beck and call ever since."

"Mom, she's telling the truth, she was just sitting there this whole time, being a good model. She's beautiful and a Clymene mouth, look I drew her wings" and the girl shoved her giant leaf canvas onto the mother's face.

The butterfly took the leaf on her upper arms, while her left lower arm took out compound spectacles before examining the painting. Each of her compound eyes were only split 4 times, and she had a lens for each one in that frame. As she inspected her daughter's work, her eyes also shone brighter, albeit softer than Muntaheira's eyes often did, and her mouth curved down to a smile as she moved the leaf around to look at the centre where the girl had drawn her parents.

"This is beautiful, Muntaheira. Your threadwork is amazing, Father would be proud, and I see you managed to improve further on your magic, with the fine and detailed colors," she said, handing the leaf back to her daughter, who was smiling even wider than ever. I could swear those void eyes were glowing white at this point somehow. But her smile fell as the mother continued.

"But I think it's time you make your cocoon. If you do it now, we will be at Eden shortly after you wake up. Looks like you ate most of the food we got, so it should go fast, " she continued with a warm smile on her face. Caterpillars here can complete their pupal stages in less than a day if they eat enough just the day before, so the math lined up in my head, with Eden being one of the stops after Planktown.

"Ok Mom. Thank you Allia for being a good model for me. And you still have to get me all that extra food tomorrow I told you to", she told me, the smile returning to her face, and then she started spitting globules of silk and wrapping them all around her.

I had only seen a caterpillar creating their cocoon and entering pupa once before, when Father had shown and taught me how to do it right before my own pupal stage. With all our adventures and heists, we were never in any one place for too long. It was part of being who we were, thieves in the night, stealing one treasure after another, and stopping to look at the scenery and wonders of nature was never high on the priority list. I could say I had seen my own pupal stage, both from within and from outside as Father had recorded the whole thing. It was one of the few good memories I shared with him, as I joined him in his adventures after I got out of that cocoon. Sometimes I wish I was still in the pupal stage, and had never left. I would not have had to grow up.

But that was then, and this was now. I had a chance, so I watched it all. She formed the lower part of the cocoon first, around her legs, trapping them, and then proceeded to thread round and round her. The brim of the cocoon kept rising, slowly covering her entirely, and she even applied some of her magic to set different colors around different sections of the cocoon. Most caterpillars are happy with the default silk they spit out, but she was not most caterpillars with her magical abilities, and she used them to fit her preferences. There was no rhyme or reason to the colors, though, as she formed a hodgepodge of colored patches all over. She stopped when the brim reached up to her chest, when she looked up to me again and asked, "Allia, can you hand me the canvas?"

It was on the middle, placed down on the table in front of us. I picked it up and looked it over myself, this time the right way around. Sitting opposite her this whole time, I had only managed to see it upturned as she spun on it, and this was my chance to take a closer look at what she had drawn of me. I looked... like myself. But radiant with a smile. My wings were spread wide open as well, majestic and finely detailed, and she even drew some lavender tendrils of my magic on my hands, with one hand holding the chain of the fixed stopwatch. You could not tell I had been injured the whole time I was posing as a model. I felt like I was under a spell, unable to look away. However, this time I heard every word she spoke, noticing everything.

"It's how I want to see you when I wake up" she told me, while looking at the floor. "I hope you like it. I want to look forward to waking up and seeing everyone as I keep the canvas with me into this cocoon".

I did not say anything, but a ghost of a smile started forming in my face. I didn't think I could smile so soon after what happened, and yet here I was, with a random child I just met hoping to see my smile already and looking up at me with all the wonder in her eyes. I didn't know what to make of that, other than to smile for now. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I would be gone long before she would wake up, with Planktown coming up as a stop much earlier. I could only hope she could understand and be happy with that.

I handed the canvas to her, with the ghostly smile rising from the dead on my face. She turned to look at me and her eyes lit up again as she took it and saw my face. She carefully put the canvas down inside the cocoon, and then spat out more silk globules onto her hands, which she proceeded to build up the cocoon further. The mother and I watched, as the brim of the cocoon rose above her head and started narrowing down. But before she closed it off, she started talking again.

"Mom, see you tomorrow. I love you. And Allia, you better remember to get me dinner tomorrow like I said earlier!" and quickly closed off the top of the cocoon. Her mother giggled, while looking at me, while I could only stare out the window to hide my flushed and embarrassed face. The mother then set to work, spinning her own silk to secure Muntaheira's cocoon on the seat, and she was busy with this for a while as I looked out, contemplating what to do now that I could not be here for when she would wake up. My thoughts were interrupted my a soft gasp from the mother.

"Oh Muntaheira, that's wonderful!" she exclaimed, and I turned my head to see what she was gushing about. My jaw dropped.

The caterpillar had started out with random patches of colors everywhere all over the cocoon, but she had cleared out a the part right over her head. The entire patch was a translucent greenish silk, slightly larger than the canvas. I knew that because she had chosen to put up the canvas against that, and I watched as the silhouettes of the designs she drew started glowing through the greenish silk until the outer surface of the cocoon also colored up with our sketches. She was sharing her art with us as well right before falling asleep, for the glow soon dimmed after our tiny portraits crystallized on the outer surface of the cocoon, and then there was no further change.

I smiled, the ghost no longer a ghost.

We were less than an hour away from the Planktown stop. Muntaheira was still sleeping, thought the cocoon had grown ever so slightly larger in the meantime. Her mother had sat down next to the cocoon this whole time. She had taken out a book and started reading soon after. She had not said anything to me, and I chose to stay silent so long as she did the same. We had sat like that in the quiet for a couple of hours before she finally put the book down and sighed.

"Allia, was it?" she called out to me a few minutes after. She was staring at Muntaheira's cocoon and kept looking at it rather than me.

"Yeah." I confirmed.

"Thank you for entertaining my daughter's whims. Not everyone would give a random child on the train the time of day. But I do apologize if she disturbed you at a busy time. If there is anything I can do to make it up to you for that, please let me know." she stated, in a rather matter-of-fact manner.

"Thanks, but it's fine. I had nothing to do anyway, except to wait. Besides, I enjoyed myself, I think, not something I expected to happen." I reassured her.

"Are you sure? I would also offer to heal, but I'm not sure if you already took care of your injuries. You seem to be good at healing too. Can I ask what happened?" she inquired, but she did not seem to be demanding.

"Uh, it's a mishap that happened before I came here. I think I'm mostly ok by now. It's in the past now, and I made sure I won't be seeing them again", I replied.

Her compound eyes opened slightly wider, but she showed no other signs of being rattled by what I had implied. Instead she just said "Well, we'll be getting off at Eden where we are visiting Muntaheira's grandmother. We'll be there for a while, and if you need anything or are in the area, don't hesitate to reach out. By the way, what was the getting my daughter dinner thing about?" she asked, her voice radiating warmth.

She had just casually offered me a safehouse, if I understood her correctly, without question. Her warm smile made me flush, and I stammered "uh-uh It's ... it's something she asked for after I spaced out and she threw some of her food at me to get my attention. I spaced out multiple times in front of her, and I guess I have to pay her back somehow now..."

The mother just laughed, and then formed a soft smile. "Ha, that will be fun to see. Are you going to Eden as well, then? Her grandmother has a farm there and you can help prepare something for her alongside her grandmother."

"Uh... thanks for the offer, but I am getting off at Planktown. I have... unfinished business there with the Lord of the Depths... and I am not sure if I will see either of you again, to be honest."

"Oh." she went quiet, and we both looked away from each other, contemplating that this last hour could be the last time we ever see each other. There was no telling what dealing with the Sayyid would lead to, and there was no knowing how much of oneself one would be able to keep. However, the mother soon turned back to me to reaffirm, "Still, my earlier offer still stands. If you get out of there and have nowhere else to go afterwards, you are welcome to visit us. And then you might get a chance to do what Muntaheira she wanted, prepare that dinner for her. I'm sure she'll look forward to it. She'll be sad to see you gone when she wakes up, but I'll be here to support her, and will tell her anything you want to pass on."

I simply nodded and kept staring out the window. Planktown was coming up soon and this could be the last time I would ever see any of them, including the Father who was still snoring. I am not sure if there was anything left to say, other than to express my gratitude.

"Thank you. Give her my thanks as well. This was not a good day, and I was drowning in own thoughts. But she pulled me out and brought me ashore, and shared something precious with me. I won't forget it." I stated and got up from my seat as the train drew to a station, with the announcer going "Arriving at Planktown... now".

I gave both of them a wave, which her mother returned. The cocoon stayed still, along with colors on it and the drawings I could see. The doors of the carriage opened after the train ground to a stop, and I turned and walked away from them. I got out to the platform, and walked up to a pillar nearby and leaned against it, turning back to face the train. The mother had taken out another book and was reading again, and the cocoon was next to her side, Muntaheira inside. It suddenly turned on its side, until the paintings on the front were facing the window. Maybe it was turning to face me, maybe not.

Sorry I could not follow your order. I did not promise to do it, but I wanted to anyway. But I still have unfinished business here and I don't want to delay that any further, Muntaheira. I hope you are not too angry at me for leaving like this, while you are stuck in your cocoon, and not waiting to see you emerge. I hope you understand, and I hope you find yourself beautiful. I think I will for sure, and so will everyone else, if the brightness of your eyes were indication.

As the train drew away from the station, I turned and faced the exits of the station. There were several merchants selling Planktown's signature water bubble breathing apparatuses in the area, and I walked up to one and got one for myself, before joining the lines to the submersibles taking people to the Depths, where I might just meet my end at the hands of the Lord.