Dear Diary,
It's been... a strange month. My secretary, Vamres, has been actively keeping me away from my work. She keeps taking me on... what did she call them? Dates?
I think I'll need to fire her again. She should know that just because we leave for a restaurant or something doesn't make it a date. Every day has a date! They're on the calendar! That's her job as a secretary, isn't it?
Yeah, she's not the greatest secretary, but I'm also not the greatest Grand Wizard. But she's also bad at hiding her killing intent. I accidentally slipped in the teacher's lounge and told one of the professors that she had a secret plan related to me. That professor laughed and said, "Well, we all know that. You should do what we do, just... pretend you don't know. Let her surprise you."
So yeah... I'm waiting for her to kill me now. I declined one of her dates the other day, saying I had other plans. I wanted to make her angry to speed up the process, so I went on a walk so she would see I wasn't busy.
And when I got there, some guy tried to rob me! Me, the Grand Wizard. I tell him to kill me, and he just looks at me all confused. And then a bunch of kids come running in trying to save me, but obviously, this thief takes them out in one hit. And I'm standing there over these knocked-out kids, facing down the thief.
And Vamres just happens to walk by. She had made a reservation anyway and was headed to eat, and she sees me there. She thinks I'm protecting these kids from the thief, and that I wasn't going with her so I could help people around the city! What the hell?
Why is it that when I try and do something bad to get myself killed do I just end up making myself look like a great guy? I'm not a great guy! I'm just a boring old man that wants to die.
Needless to say, she canceled reservations after beating up the thief for me. She's really strong. Then, she decided she would come with me and fight crime. So that was the rest of my day.
I realize now I spent... pretty much every day with Vamres. That's weird. Well, the more time I spend, the closer my death will be.
Your Soon-to-be-Dead Grand Wizard,
Felonius Questus
